The Source of Modern Liberalism

I, yes I, the Common Constitutionalist, have discovered the source–the cause of the affliction known as liberalism–and it’s simpler than you might think.

The causes of modern liberalism are noise and light pollution. Allow me to explain by describing it in a way even liberals may understand—in terms of the animal kingdom. This should be easy, being that many liberals are also wacky animal-rights advocates.

I’d also like to preface this by reminding you that liberals are liberals first and foremost and thus will often support knee-jerk policies to the detriment of any long-term negative effects, even to themselves.

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Take, for example, wind farms. You cannot be a good liberal without blindly supporting “renewable energy” such as wind. Yet every year, if not several times a year, we see a new study of the ill effects wind farms have on wildlife.

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A European conservation group, SEO/Birdlife, reported that every year in Spain alone, between 6 and 18 million birds and bats are killed by wind farms. In California, bats, birds, golden and bald eagles, and even the poster bird of the left, the giant condor, are all being wiped out by wind farms.

But it’s not just the spinning blades that negatively affect wildlife. A 2013 study of geese in Poland showed that the stress of nesting too close to turbines showed disturbing changes in animal behavior.

In Portugal, deer born near wind turbines developed limb deformities. In Wisconsin, a biologist reported problems with stillbirth and spontaneous abortions as well as behavioral abnormalities in birds, deer, and even cattle.

The conclusion to these various studies is that these abnormalities, both physical and behavioral, have a lot to do with the noise levels around wind farms.

So if excess noise is the source of abnormalities in animals, why wouldn’t the same apply to humans, being that most liberals think we humans are no different from animals?

Okay, we’ve established that excess noise, oh and, also, it turns out, light, negatively affects animals and us humans. We must then determine where these “problem areas” are concentrated.

Logic would dictate that cities, particularly major metropolitan areas, are where one would find the greatest concentration of both noise and light. Cities are lit up and absurdly loud, morning noon and night. You can’t escape it – police sirens, fire trucks, road crews, jackhammers, etc. It would drive any normal person insane.

So, after all these facts have been established, ask yourself—where do most liberals reside? That’s right—in big cities. Virtually every major city in America, and frankly, the world, is populated by liberals. I’m not aware of a single major city in this country that isn’t deep blue.

So now it just comes down to the chicken or the egg. Were liberals already insane before they immigrated to major cities, or is it the noise and light of cities that have driven them to be abnormal?

One could argue for the former, but I hold to the latter. After all, it appears that every new generation of big-city liberal exhibits more insane behavior than the last. They’re certainly not becoming more reasonable.

Therefore, I conclude that it is the fault of big-city living that’s causing people to become abnormally insane liberals.

I rest my case.

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