Paid to Suck at Your Job: How Much Republicans Paid Consultants to Help Them Lose an Election

“The more I know, the less I understand. All the things I thought I figured out, I have to learn again.”

Don Henley, “The Heart of the Matter”

Since my day job gives me a chance to speak directly to many of the newsmakers most of you reading this only get to know second-hand, one of the questions I get asked all the time goes a little something like this:

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“What were they thinking?”

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As in why would so-in-so endorse so-in-so? Why would so-and-so vote for that? Why would so-and-so support that? Ironically, the more access I gain to the process, the less qualified I become to answer such questions. In fact, I start asking them myself.

For example, for the life of me I don’t understand this story from Politico titled “Revenge of the Republican Consultants.” It turns out at least 10 of the consulting firms that worked for Mitt Romney in 2012…hold on a second…let me stop right there.

Why in the Sam Hill would someone need 10 consulting firms? 10? Really? You need that many people to tell you who you are or how to sell yourself? There’s a joke there, as in how many consultants does it take to lose an election you should’ve won?

But I digress.

Anyway, Politico went back and did some research to see what became of all these GOP loser consultants that were rightfully being blasted by conservatives nationwide for blowing the last election. And you know what they found? They’re almost all back to work and making big money.

So who hired these losers?

According to Politico they were hired by Chris Christie, Paul Ryan, and Marco Rubio. The dollar amounts these jokers are getting paid is sickening. Here are some of the figures you’ll find in the story:

  • $1 billion
  • $19.6 million
  • $112 million
  • $150 million
  • $280 million
  • $2.2 million
  • $248 million
  • $494,000
  • $241 million
  • $10 million
  • $68 million
  • $10 million
  • $248 million
  • $419 million

Who knew it paid this well to suck at your job? In no semblance of the real world, the rest of us are forced to live in could someone be rewarded so handsomely for such craptastic performance.

Don’t you think Christie, Ryan, and Rubio should’ve asked these consultants how they performed at their last job before hiring them? Or maybe they asked and just don’t care? How could you not? What were they thinking?

I wish I knew. On second thought, I’m glad I don’t. All of the potential answers to these questions are probably bad.


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